MacBradley
by BridgitKiido
Summary: A Fullmetal Alchemist style parody of William Shakespeare's Macbeth, starring Fuhrer Bradley of course. Rated for violence and probable bad humor. Contains both anime and manga spoilers. COMPLETE
1. Act 1 Scene 1

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 1, Scene 1**

Characters featured in this chapter (**Role: **FMA character + description):

**Witch 1:** Edward Elric, a young blond alchemist of 15. Highly cynical, he does not wish to be doing this.

**Witch 2:** Alphonse Elric, a young blond alchemist of 14, previously stuck in a suit of armor but currently back in his human form for reasons that will not be stated here. Perhaps the most enthusiastic of the three "witches", he is mostly in it for the free kitten "familiar".

**Paddock:** Alphonse's new grey kitten, named Timmy.

**Witch 3: **Ling Yao, prince of Xing. Has a split personality where he occasionally goes into "Greed" mode – avoid him when that happens. He is rather bored by this entire production.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people. Timmy's my creation, though.

* * *

It was a dark and stormy night, as it is often portrayed in scenes such as this. In an empty clearing, some voices could be heard. 

"I told you the first time, Al; I don't want to be doing this."

"But Nii-san, we get free kittens from this!"

"I said I don't want to –"

"Nii-san! There are FREE KITTENS!"

Feeling obviously defeated, Ed sighed and sat down. "Fine. But I'm not speaking in Old English or anything like that."

"But that's one of the most _fun_ parts, Nii-san," Al pleaded, stroking his kitten lovingly. "You just _have to _get into character. Like this –" He then said in an attempt to be ominous (see episode 16), "_Fair is foul, and foul is fair, hover through fog and filthy air._" He then smiled. "Like that, Nii-san."

"No."

"Oh, come on, _please, _Nii-san?"

"I said no."

"But –"

"I feel your pain, Ed," Ling said, attempting to trace something into the dirt for no apparent reason. "I never volunteered for this either. Someone just showed up one day and gave Ran Fan and me letters saying that we were to report here."

"I think it was some sort of plot started by the bastard Colonel, personally," Ed muttered coldly, putting his head in his hand. "When I get out of this…"

"It can't have been the Colonel's idea," Al said, still petting the cat. "I saw him just before we got here. He got a letter similar to ours, and he didn't seem too happy about it either. I wouldn't be too happy if I was him, either. After all, _his_ part in all of this doesn't come with a free kitten, now does it?"

"Whatever," Ed replied.

A tumbleweed floated by, and Ed muttered, "Those people mentioned in the letter had better get here soon. The sooner this is all over, the better."

"Now what should I name you?" Alphonse wondered, still stroking the new cat. "Hmm… Oh, I know! I'll call you Timmy. And I'll love you, and hug you, and cuddle you, and feed you, and call you Timmy, and you will be mine, you will be my Timmy, and –"

"Would you please be quiet?" Ling snapped.

_

* * *

Author's Note: _

_For those who don't know, Nii-san is Japanese for older brother. That is what Al usually refers to Ed as in the Japanese version of the anime and manga. Many people translate this to English and just have him call him "Brother", but I feel like using "Nii-san."_


	2. Act 1 Scene 2

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 1, Scene 2**

New characters featured in this chapter (**Role: **FMA character + description):

**Duncan:** Russell Tringam, a young blond boy. The reason he's at his current position is just for the sake of randomness.

**Malcolm: **Roy Mustang, a black-haired young man. Quite ambitious, he is seeking to be promoted to Fuhrer someday.

**A Wounded Captain: **Haruko, a white-haired man. He's kind of bitter, but quite loyal.

**Lennox: **Denny Brosh, a young, blond man. He gets upset kind of easily.

**Ross: **Maria Ross, a caring, brunette woman.She cares a lot about others.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

On a nearby battlefield, Haruko lay severely injured from a recent fight. Fuhrer Russell, along with Mustang and Brosh, rode up to him on conveniently existent chestnut horses. Russell looked quickly at a piece of paper tied to his horse's mane and read from it, "_What bloody man is that? He can… report_? I can't read this handwriting!" 

Roy said to the young Fuhrer, "I believe the gist of what you're trying to ask is who that man on the ground is and what he is doing there, and I do believe it is Captain Haruko, injured in the recent battle."

Russell replied, "Um, yes, that is completely true." He turned to Haruko. "So, what happened here?"

Haruko stated, with a lot more energy than one who had supposedly lost as much blood as he should have, "I'm supposed to give some sort of long speech here, but I'll just paraphrase. Long story short, we were fighting with our enemies, the Ishballans, when the rebel Scar turned upon us and started attacking us. But the Thane of Glamis, young Bradley whose first name is King for some reason, attacked and subdued him. I've heard the traitor's head is currently on display on a stake, although that might be just rumors."

Russell then exclaimed, "Bradley is surely worthy of his title then. Guards, bring Haruko to the hospital."

The guards exited with Haruko after first lifting him onto a stretcher. After they had left, none other than Maria Ross appeared on the scene.

"Ah, Maria Ross, the Thane of Ross, I do believe," Roy said, noticing the newcomer.

Maria bowed respectfully to Russell before replying, "I still believe the Fuhrer's mind might have been affected when he gave me that title."

Russell smiled and ignored the comment, replying to Maria, "So, what did you see happen, Ross?"

Ross replied, "Sir, the Thane of Cawdor is a traitor. He turned upon us in the middle of battle, but we won anyway."

(Denny muttered, "I was supposed to have a line or two in here I think… and these aren't even the correct lines. They're supposed to be in iambic pentameter..." He then received an elbow in the chest from Ross.)

Russell stated, attempting to paraphrase the scrawled handwriting on his card, "Alright, since Cawdor's Thane was a traitor, I'll…um… remove his title from him and sentence him to death. Ross, Brosh, the both of you go and inform Bradley that he is now to be the Thane of Cawdor as well as Glamis, and ask him to come back to Central."

"Yes sir," Maria and Denny saluted the Fuhrer before riding off to find Bradley.


	3. Act 1 Scene 3

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 1, Scene 3**

New characters featured in this chapter (**Role: **FMA character + description):

**Macbeth: **King Bradley (yes, King is his first name). The reason he's in this role is kind of self-explanatory if you've read the play, and if not, well, it'll become apparent shortly.

**Banquo: **Maes Hughes. The reason why he's in this role will be quite apparent later. (Plus, both of them are some of my favorite characters in their respective stories.)

**Graymalkin:** Xiao Mei the Panda. Currently acting as Ed's 'familiar', neither of them are happy about the arrangement.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

Bradley and Hughes, meanwhile, were riding back from their battle. 

"_Such fair and foul a day I have not seen_," Bradley stated in an attempt at being ominous.

"Sir, you don't really have to point that out," Hughes said, sweat dropping. _I'd rather have been casted as someone else,_ he thought. _Something's wrong about Bradley._

"Oh come on," Bradley said, poking Hughes in the ribs. "It's fun. You'll see."

Suddenly, the two of them came upon none other than Ed, Al, and Ling, the three 'witches'. Alphonse was still petting Timmy to no end, Ed was presently attempting to deal Xiao Mei's terrible teeth biting into his arm, and Ling was, well, being Ling. "What's this?" Hughes asked, attempting to sound surprised.

Ed got up and walked over to Bradley. Pulling out a small index card, he cleared his throat and stated in a deadpan way, "All hail Macbeth, Thane of Glamis, Thane of Cawdor, and Future King." He then walked back to where he had been, fuming as he stuck his arm out for Xiao Mei to bite once again.

"What about me?" Hughes asked, hinting of sarcasm but trying to sound like he was really serious.

Alphonse then got up and walked over to Hughes. He then said, significantly more enthusiastically than his brother, "Hail Hughes! Lesser, yet greater than Bradley! Less happy, yet happier than Bradley! And although not Fuhrer yourself, you, Hughes, shall beget rulers of this country! So all hail, both Hughes and Bradley!" He then walked back to where he had been sitting and, returning to a sitting position, continued to pamper Timmy, who mewed happily.

Ling said in a deadpan way, "Yeah, what he said." His eyes then changed suddenly, and he then started to mutter in a more sinister way, "On second thought, just give me the titles. I'll take good care of them."

Ed and Al looked at each other nervouslyand nodded. "Excuse us," the two of them said as they each got up and took one of Ling's arms. They then dragged him off into the distance, Ed muttering, "Great. Why'd Greed have to show up at a time like this?"

Hughes and Bradley looked at each other. Bradley then said, "So, what do you think it means?"

"Well, yours is quite literal, of course," Hughes stated plainly. "You're going to get lots of titles. Mine, however, is significantly more obscure." _Although, since I read the script ahead of time, _he thought glumly_, I know what's going to happen and what it means. 'Lesser than Bradley, yet greater' means that he'll be Fuhrer, but I'll have more fan girls – not necessarily a good thing, seeing as I'm married. 'Less happy, yet happier' means that he'll have the riches he wants, but I'll have the family I want. And the final part is self-explanatory I guess… ooh; Elysia's going to be Fuhrer someday… I'll make sure to get pictures the day she does!_ He smiled at the thought of his daughter ruling the country and himself taking dozens of pictures of her in the background.

Bradley's thoughts, however, were much darker. _This can't be a bad thing, if I'm going to get these titles. It can't be a good thing either, though, since then I'd be listening to a bunch of witches. Oh well. I'll tell the Lady about everything in my next letter either way._

Presently, Ross and Brosh rode up on the scene. "What's this?" Bradley asked.

Ross cleared her throat and said, "By order of Fuhrer Russell, I have been asked to give you the title of Thane of Cawdor because the one who possessed that title before is a traitor who is going to be executed shortly, and he has asked that you come to Central to dine with him tonight."

"What she said," Brosh said, staying slightly behind her.

"Of course," Bradley said, slightly surprised. _The first part's true. Thane of Glamis, and also Thane of Cawdor. The greatest one is yet to come._ He and Hughes exchanged glances, and then the four of them rode off toward Central.

_

* * *

Author's Note: Technically, it's not supposed to be Lennox that comes with Ross, but Angus. But, I just decided to do it this way._


	4. Act 1 Scenes 4 and 5

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 1, Scenes 4 and 5**

New characters featured in this chapter:

**Lady Macbeth:** Mei Chang, an alchemist from Xing. For the sake of this story, she is several years older than she is in her series.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

At Central, Fuhrer Russell witnessed the hanging of the Thane of Cawdor. He turned away in shame, muttering, "That's a shame. _He was a gentleman on whom I built an absolute trust_." 

He then walked over to where Bradley, Hughes, and Roy were waiting. He first greeted Bradley, saying, "Great thanks to you for killing the rebel, Scar. I can't thank you enough for doing so, in fact. All the thanks I can give is less than you deserve."

"No need for that," Bradley said. "It is the pleasure of serving you that pays itself. In fact, I owe it to you to serve you, dear Fuhrer."

Fuhrer Russell nodded, and then he turned to Hughes. "You deserve nothing less of the thanks that Bradley deserves."

Hughes, having read the entire script beforehand, stated, "What Bradley said. If I bear fruit, duty states that it belongs to you."

Fuhrer Russell nodded again. He then turned to everyone gathered and stated, "At this time, I'd like to settle the case of who will inherit the rank of Fuhrer should I unexpectedly leave office. I have officially decided that my heir shall be none other than Roy Mustang." He removed a small, gold ring from his finger and placed it on Roy's.

"Thank you, sir," Roy said, bowing respectfully.

_The Fuhrer has chosen an heir!_ Bradley thought. _This is an obstacle I must get past. But nobody had better find out about my desires, or else I'm ruined._

"To the banquet with all of us then," Russell stated, and everyone went off to the banquet hall.

* * *

Back in East City, Mei Chang received the letter from Bradley. She read it quickly and quietly, and as she learned of what the 'witches' had promised him, she thought, _So, the position of Fuhrer is promised to him. I fear his nature, though. He has only killed on the battlefield. What if he doesn't want to kill Fuhrer Russell? I'll just have to help him do it then._

A messenger arrived panting and called to her, "Lady Mei, the Thane is returning home soon and wished that I would come ahead and let you know."

"Thank you!" Mei called back as the messenger left. She then thought, _Alright, then. Come, spirits, fill me with cruelty so that I won't hold back in my plan to help King obtain the Fuhrer position. Come, darkness, hide all visible evidence of the knife hitting its mark._

Several hours later, Bradley arrived home on horseback. Mei ran down to meet him, and they embraced quietly. Bradley informed his wife, "Fuhrer Russell comes tonight."

"And how long does he plan on staying, my dear Glamis and Cawdor?" Mei replied.

"He leaves in the morning."

"So he thinks," she whispered back so that no one else could hear. When Bradley's eyes widened, she smiled. "Just leave everything to me. Be like a snake poised to strike, but look like an innocent flower."

"So you like to paraphrase too, huh?" Bradley muttered back.

"Hey, I haven't heard you use a single original line either."

Bradley looked around, and then replied, "_We will speak further."_

"That's more like it," Mei said, smiling a slightly evil smile. "As I said, leave everything to me."


	5. Act 1 Scenes 6 and 7

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 1, Scenes 6 and 7**

New characters featured in this chapter:

None. Isn't that exciting?

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

Enter Russell on horseback with Mustang, Ross, Brosh, and Hughes following behind. Russell sniffed the air as he approached Bradley's castle, and then he read from a slightly less messily written index card, "_This castle hath a pleasant seat. The air nimbly and sweetly recommends itself unto our gentle senses..._ Or something like that, at least." 

Mustang whispered into Russell's ear, "But Fuhrer, sir, you _have_ read the script already, right? This is actually a dangerous thing for you to be doing, you know."

Russell whispered back, "I know, but my character isn't supposed to know that, and I, unlike some people, plan on going more or less by the original script."

Hughes rolled his eyes, wondering when this entire ordeal would be over with. When Russell looked at the Lieutenant Colonel expectantly, however, he started quickly and recited, albeit reluctantly, "Yes, _the air is nimble_ indeed."

They all waited a few minutes expectantly, and then Mei finally arrived (late, one might add) on the scene, where she smiled and saluted the Fuhrer.

Russell smiled toward Mei happily, reciting, "_See, see our honored hostess! –_"

Ross, clutching her head in pain, interrupted Russell, stating, "Pardon me, sir, but all of this Old English is giving me a headache. Can we please paraphrase?"

(Brosh then began to fuss over Ross, saying how headaches are early signs of the flu or other malevolent diseases and she should really be resting in bed instead of doing this. Ross then proceeded to back off, attempting to reassure Brosh that she was indeed fine and did not require any medical attention at the current time and wondering all the while why this man was so interested in keeping her in pristine health.)

Russell sighed. "Fine, Ross. We can paraphrase, I guess." He looked his index cards over quickly to get the gist of them, and then he finally said to Mei, "Long story short, hopefully Bradley is doing well – where _is_ he, I wonder – and we are your guests tonight, so lead the way."

"My pleasure, sir," replied Mei, who smiled innocently enough as she held out her hand for the Fuhrer. The two of them then led the group into the castle, except for Hughes, who stayed back for a moment to sigh disdainfully about the situation. After a couple moments, however, he followed everyone into the castle in order to flee the now beginning rain. _This is going to be a long night,_ he thought.

* * *

Bradley sat in his chamber, making a list of reasons for and against killing Russell. Normally, this wouldn't have come up, but since this was a special situation, he really couldn't get out of at least writing the gist of what he was supposed to say in his soliloquy. He had made two columns on the sheet of paper. In the column marked "Against", he had written three things, taking up one line each: "I'm his subordinate", "I'm his host tonight", and "What good comes from witches anyway?" In the column marked "For", he had written a single item that took up a total of four lines: "If this works, I'll be Fuhrer." 

He thought for a moment, and then he wrote the equivalent of one more line under "Against", stating: "_If we should fail – _"

Mei then entered the room unannounced, stating, "Bradley, Fuhrer Russell is at dinner, and he's anxious to know where you are."

Bradley beckoned Mei over to his desk and pointed at the final question that he had written, stating, "_We will proceed no further in this business_ – at least, not until you can assure me that there is no chance that we would fail in this."

Mei smiled. "That's easy. We just drug the guards and make sure that everything looks like they were bribed to kill him. No one would ever suspect us, it being our own castle and everything. Besides," she said, nudging him in the ribs. "Are you a man or not?"

Bradley leaned closer to Mei. "You're certainly paraphrasing a lot, aren't you?"

Mei replied quietly, "I just want this over as quickly as possible so I can face the evil man who stole Xiao Mei from me and get my friend back. Besides, you paraphrase too. I mean, a piece of paper? Come on."

Bradley smiled. "Alright, that's that then. You've helped me make up my mind. Consider the deed done." He then wrote another item under "For", this one taking up two lines and receiving a circle around it: "We have a plan." He then tossed the paper into the fire, where it burned to ashes.


	6. Act 2 Scene 1

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 2, Scene 1**

New characters featured in this chapter:

**Fleance: **Elysia Hughes, Maes' daughter. …What? Maria Ross is playing a boy too! (And technically, the witches are probably supposed to be female…)

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

Maes was taking a stroll through the castle, and at his side was his little daughter, Elysia. The former, however, was not acting in his usual manner – Elysia, in fact, was slightly confused as to why her father was so solemn and quiet instead of bubbly and taking dozens of photographs. "Daddy, what's wrong?" Elysia asked. 

Maes looked over toward his daughter and smiled weakly. "Nothing's wrong, Elysia. Daddy's just tired, that's all." They then heard some footsteps coming from the opposite end of the hall. "Who's there?" Maes called nervously.

Bradley then appeared at the other end of the corridor. "Don't worry, Hughes, it's just me."

"Oh," Maes said slightly bitterly. He then fished around for something in his pocket, saying, "The Fuhrer's in a strange mood tonight. Without any reason, he gave Lady Mei an expensive diamond necklace, and he told me to give you this." He held out a large diamond for Bradley, who picked it up and examined it.

"So," Maes said, trying to start up a conversation, "have you been thinking about what happened with those witches the other night, Bradley? I've been having the most horrible nightmares about it (although they all somehow ended with my darling Elysia crowned queen and me taking dozens of photos of her)."

"Haven't been thinking about them at all," Bradley said. Maes feigned a look of surprise; although having read the script, he knew exactly what was going on. "Well, good night, Maes," the Thane of Glamis and Cawdor said.

"Goodnight, Bradley," Maes said in a deadpan manner, escorting his daughter to the other end of the hall so he could put her to bed.

Bradley then made his way down to the end of the hallway. He was just about to pass through the exit way when he said to an unknown entity, "I bet you thought I was going to do a soliloquy here about a ghostly floating dagger leading me to kill the Fuhrer, weren't you? Well, I'm not. So there." He then looked around one more time before spotting something, letting out a cry of surprise, and diving behind the doorway just as a real dagger came flying toward him from the other end of the hallway. It only barely missed him.


	7. Act 2 Scenes 2, 3, and 4

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 2, Scenes 2, 3, and 4**

New characters featured in this chapter:

**A Drunken Porter: **Frank Archer, an annoying young man who is there because… well, I needed someone random to be a drunk porter.

**Macduff: **I'm not telling just yet. For the moment, I'll just be referring to him as Macduff. You'll find out who he is at the end, though.

**Donalbain:** Vato Falman, a highly intelligent man who has no clue why he, of all the possible characters, was chosen to play Mustang's brother. (What? Maes already has a spot.)

**An Old Man: **Edward Elric. Yes, in this story, the first witch and the old man are the same person. Ed is not very amused at the fact that he has to play multiple roles. Not very amused at all.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

Mei paced across her bedchamber, muttering things about bellmen and owls to herself. Taking a quick peek at the clock on the wall, she stated, "Oh, how long is that man going to take with this? If the Fuhrer hadn't appeared in bed like a shorter version of Edward Elric (oh, that tall man is sooooo dreamy), I'd have done it!" 

Bradley then entered the room, carrying a pair of bloody daggers. Mei ran up to him and asked, "So, did you do it?"

Bradley replied, "Yes, although for a moment it looked as though I might be caught. _There's one did laugh in 's sleep, and one cried 'Murder!' that they did wake each other. I stood and heard them. But they did say their prayers and addressed them again to sleep._ I also thought I heard some sort of voice calling out something about sleep not existing any more, but oh well. The deed is done."

Mei looked at the daggers still in Bradley's hands. "Why are you still carrying those? I thought you were going to leave them in the room with the guards to frame them." Without waiting for an answer, she took the blades from him, saying, "I'll go put them where they're supposed to be – you go wash your hands and get that blood off of them. They're filthy." She then exited the room with the daggers.

Bradley remained silent. Then, sensing that he was supposed to say something, he muttered something under his breath about Neptune and blood.

When Mei re-entered the room without the daggers, there came a sharp knock at the entrance to the castle. "What _is_ that knocking?" she asked.

"I don't know, but let's go greet the visitors," Bradley replied.

* * *

Frank Archer made his way to the door as the knocking became more and more loud and annoying. "I'm coming, I'm -hic- coming," he said, obviously having had slightly too much to drink that night. As he opened the door, Brosh and a mysterious man hereafter known as Macduff (he was wearing a quite mysterious cloak) entered the building. 

"Hello, Archer," Macduff stated. "Is Bradley home?"

"Your knocking has awakened him," Archer observed, quietly hiccupping again as the aforementioned Thane made his way down the hallway. Archer then excused himself and went off to his own quarters.

Bradley and Macduff greeted each other as Brosh rolled his eyes in the background. Macduff then asked, "Is Fuhrer Russell up yet?"

"No, not yet," Bradley replied.

"I'll go wake him then," Macduff stated, and he walked off to go wake the Fuhrer.

Brosh muttered something about chimneys falling all over the place all night and expressed a significant interest in the safety of Maria Ross, hoping that she had not been squashed by one of the aforementioned falling chimneys.

Macduff then returned, screaming, "_O, horror, horror, horror!_"

"What's wrong?" Bradley and Brosh both asked.

"Someone's murdered Fuhrer Russell!" This earned a shocked gasp from the listeners, who then ran off to tell everyone else the terrible news.

Mei then entered the room and asked, "You're making so much noise. What happened?"

Macduff replied to her, "That's not for a gentle lady's ears to hear, m'lady." This merely won him an impatient scoff from the lady of the castle.

Maes then walked down the hallway, debating whether in the next scene he was in he should just stay in bed and refuse to get up. Macduff, however, ran up to him and cried, "The Fuhrer's been murdered!"

"What?" Maes and Mei both gasped as Bradley, Ross, and Brosh (who was, by the way, very glad that Ross was, in fact, not squashed by a chimney) re-entered the room. Bradley muttered, "This is sad indeed."

Roy and Vato then entered the room, at which time Macduff warned them as well, "The Fuhrer's been murdered!"

Roy asked, "By whom?"

Brosh responded, "It would appear the guards."

Maes rolled his eyes. _Have they not read the script?_

Bradley replied to that, "And I killed the guards as soon as I saw them so that they do not try to endanger the rest of us as well."

Maes, reciting once again from memory, stated, "_Look to the lady_," and got Ross and Brosh to escort Mei back to her chamber.

"Let's all meet in the other hallway to discuss what to do next," Bradley said. The rest of them nodded in agreement, and everyone except Roy and Vato exited the room. Maes, of course, paused slightly before leaving to send a pleading look toward Roy. The latter, however, did not seem to notice, and the Lieutenant Colonel sighed.

"So what do you think we should do?" Vato asked. "If we stay here, other murderers might try to pick us off."

"I'd suggest we go off to our own separate castles," Roy replied. "The farther away we get from here, the safer we'll be."

"Agreed," Falman replied, and the two of them left quickly.

* * *

Later on that day, Ross found Ed and Al as they were attempting to pull Greedling through the streets (thankfully, quickly after they had realized what had happened, the brothers had managed to knock the prince out temporarily) to a certain young girl's place of residence. Of course, the brothers were completely lost, so they had to ask Ross for directions to that place. And then, Ross decided to walk with them for a little while. 

"So, did you hear about what was happening in town last night?" Ross asked, attempting to start a conversation.

Ed was not to be amused very easily. Deadpanly, he stated, "Oh yeah. A falcon got killed by an owl, the Fuhrer's horses ate each other, a chimney nearly fell on you and Brosh is acting strange. Can we change the subject?"

"Nii-san," Al said, somehow managing to pull his share of Ling's weight while still cuddling Timmy without any interruption, "you're supposed to use Olde English. And not only that, but you're supposed to act like an old man in this scene."

"Alright then, Mister Smarty," a stressed out Edward said, "_you_ play all these roles. You know I don't want 'em." Alphonse merely rolled his eyes.

Who should then show up but Macduff. He greeted the group with a hearty hello, and passing them by, he said, "By the way, just between you all and me, Roy Mustang and Vato Falman left the country today. I don't know about you, but I find that rather suspicious. In their absence, Bradley's going to become Fuhrer."

"Really?" Ross asked.

"Just reporting what I know," Macduff said, shrugging. "And my policy _is_ to never tell a lie. Later." He then walked off.

Ed stood there for a moment, confused. _Do I know him from somewhere?_ he wondered. He then shrugged and thanked Ross, and the three boys went off in search of a certain young lady.

* * *

Backstage, Russell sat in the rafters, slightly annoyed. "Yeesh," he muttered, "they made such a big deal about me having to be here, and yet I only get to be around for the first act. Plus they didn't give me enough time to learn my lines, and the note cards they gave me had the most awful handwriting." 

"At least you get to get it over with, Nii-san," Fletcher stated as he walked over and sat next to his brother. "I don't come in until Act 5, _and _I have to play a girl."

Ran Fan walked over and sat next to the two boys. "Well, at least the two of you have short times that you have to be ready. I have several scenes I have to be in, although I'd rather be down there right now. I'm worried about the Young Master."

Envy, who had been playing an out of tune guitar on a different ledge, transformed back into his normal, palm-tree-like state (if you're wondering, he'd been transformed into the form of a young boy with sort of triangular blond hair with a purple splotch in the middle) and said, "Whatever's going on, have you noticed anything going on between Ross and Brosh down there? I think they're being slightly over-romanical, don't you?"

"Is 'romantical' even a word, Envy?" Lust asked, stepping out of the shadows with Gluttony at her feet. "I never thought of you to be the gossipy type."

"Gossipy, gossipy," Gluttony taunted.

"Shut up or I won't play any more guitar," Envy threatened.

Russell and Fletcher sweat dropped.


	8. Act 3 Scene 1

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 3, Scene 1**

New characters featured in this chapter:

**Servant: **Kain Feury, a slightly cowardly man who is happy to have such an unimportant role.

**Murderer 1: **Envy, a palm-tree-like homunculus whose casting was made for obvious reasons if you've read the play.

**Murderer 2: **Lust, a woman-like homunculus whose casting was also made for obvious reasons if you've read the play.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

Maes paced through the room, worriedly. "Bradley's already Fuhrer… that means _that_ scene is coming soon. I was hoping to have more time with Elysia…" 

Before he could continue to spoil the next few scenes for those readers who haven't actually read the entirety of Macbeth, newly appointed Fuhrer Bradley walked in to the room and greeted Maes. "We're having a solemn feast tonight to mourn the loss of Fuhrer Russell," he said. "I expect you to be there."

"Of course," Maes said in another deadpan manner. "However, I'm going to a family gathering tonight, so I might be slightly late."

"I'll assume your daughter – what was her name again? – " Bradley stated.

"Elysia," Maes interrupted coldly. "Her name is Elysia Hughes, and I'll thank you for remembering it."

"Ah yes, Elysia," Bradley continued, and if he noticed the suddenly cold tone Maes was using, he failed to take it into account. "She's riding with you, correct?"

"Of course," Maes responded.

"In that case, I wish you a fast return horse, and will see you tonight at the feast," Bradley stated. Maes then left the room.

Who should then stumble into the room but Feury, who adjusted his glasses nervously as he said, "Fuhrer Bradley, sir, there's a pair of strange people here to see you."

"Bring them in," Bradley responded, and Feury ran off. The new Fuhrer then folded his hands together and muttered, "I'm not in the mood to do the entire soliloquy, so I guess I'll summarize again. When the witches told me that I'd be Fuhrer, he also told Maes Hughes that his children would someday become the Fuhrer themselves. So, I need to get rid of him in order to make sure he doesn't have any more kids. Also, he probably suspects foul play in this by now, so there's always the problem that he knows too much and if he tells anyone, the results could be disastrous."

Feury then re-entered the room, accompanied by two cloaked characters, after which he bowed and fled the room.

Bradley then spoke to the murderers, who removed their cloaks to reveal themselves to be none other than Lust and Envy, the homunculi. "So, Wrath," the latter asked, tossing back a palm-frond-like strand of hair. "Why did you call us away from our duties?"

"There are some people I need executed," Bradley replied, obviously not phased by the casual reference to his homunculus name of Wrath.

"Really?" Lust asked. "Who is it?"

"Two people, actually," Bradley stated. "Maes Hughes, and while you're at it, his little daughter, whose name I forget. She'll be right by his side, though. I'm certain that you two, at least, know who you're dealing with?"

"Of course," Envy piped up, transforming his form into that of Maes Hughes. "How could I forget this face?"

"Good," Bradley said, turning away. "It must be done tonight."

"And it will," Lust and Envy both said, bowing before they put their cloaks back on completely and left the room.

* * *

_A/N: If you haven't noticed, I write mostly on the manga timeline. The fact that Russell and Fletcher just happen to be included here is just for the sake of sheer randomness. Thus, Bradley is Wrath here, not Pride. (Hey, I warned of spoilers, didn't I?) _


	9. Act 3 Scenes 2 and 3

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 3, Scenes 2 and 3**

New characters featured in this chapter:

None. Isn't that thrilling?

**Disclaimer**: Let's try this again, shall we? _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

Mei caught Feury as he was running through the halls, and she told him, "Feury, I'd like you to go find Fuhrer Bradley and tell him that I'd like to have a few words with him." 

"Of… of course, my lady," Feury said timidly, and he ran off to find Bradley.

It took a few minutes, but Bradley finally came and found Mei, who said to him, "I'm worried about you. You've been keeping to yourself too much. If this is about what happened to Fuhrer Russell, that's done now."

Bradley merely replied, "_We have scorched the snake, not killed it._ After all, I might have power now, but that could be stripped away at any time by someone sent to murder me."

Mei smiled and reassured him, "Don't worry, that won't happen. Either way, be happy around the guests tonight."

Bradley replied, "And I will." He smiled slyly as he said this.

Mei noticed, however, and said to him, "Hey, are you thinking of doing what I think you're thinking of doing? Because if you are, then don't."

Bradley chuckled. "Maes Hughes and his daughter – what was her name? They still live, and they shouldn't, knowing what they know."

"So what are you planning on doing?" Mei asked.

Bradley laid his hand on Mei's shoulder as he started out of the room. "_Be innocent of the knowledge, dearest chuck, till thou applaud the deed._"

"What's a 'chuck'?" Mei asked, confused.

"I dunno," Bradley shrugged. "That was the exact line of the script."

"Oh. Okay," Mei replied, and the two of them went their separate ways.

* * *

Maes and Elysia were riding back from their family gathering, Elysia wearily hugging her father and refusing to let go, and Maes sullenly looking everywhere, as if expecting something. 

"Daddy, is something wrong?" Elysia asked after a few minutes.

At that moment, who should pop out of the bushes than Lust and Envy. Half of Maes wanted to freeze up in fear, but the other, more powerful half turned around and told his daughter, "Elysia, listen to me. You need to run and find Mommy. If you don't flee, those nasty people are going to kill both of us. At least you'll survive."

"Daddy, I don't want you to leave me again!" Elysia cried, gripping Maes tighter as the homunculi advanced.

Maes got off the horse and seated Elysia on it. Planting a single kiss on her forehead, he whispered to her, "I love you, Elysia." He then turned the horse around and sent it galloping, much to Elysia's protest, back toward where it had come from.

And then, Envy pounced on Maes. The palm-tree-like creature merely said, "It's great to do this again, Maes Hughes," before shooting the gun.

* * *

Backstage a few minutes later, Russell dragged Maes up to the rafters. "Geeze, Mr. Hughes, you're very heavy," he complained. 

"Well excuse me for being casted as Banquo," Maes complained, still unable to move completely from the gunshot wound. "At least you didn't have to die in the audience's view."

"Touché," Russell stated after pausing for a moment, laying Maes down on a reserved cot. "Remember though, you have to be ready to go by the beginning of the next scene. Do you have a plan for that?"

"Of course," Maes stated, succeeding in moving his arm slightly. "I'm almost positive that's one of the main reasons why the authoress casted me in this role, after all."

* * *

_Author's Note: No, the reason why I casted Maes as Banquo wasn't because of this scene (although it sure does help from the parody perspective). It's mostly because Maes is my favorite character from Fullmetal Alchemist, and meanwhile, Banquo is one of my favorites from Macbeth. Plus it allows lots of out of character moments in the next scene..._


	10. Act 3 Scene 4

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 3, Scene 4**

New characters featured in this chapter:

**Random Lord: **Zolf Kimbley, previously a state alchemist who is now technically a convict. Is he particularly happy to be here? No, he'd rather be listening to the sounds of explosions.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

Fuhrer Bradley, Mei, Ross, Brosh, and Kimbley, along with several other random people who will not be mentioned here, sat down at the banquet table. They were just about to toast when a knock came from the door. Bradley waved the others back into their seats as he got up to answer it himself, and who should be at the door? None other than Envy, wearing his mysterious cloak and soaked in blood. 

"_There's blood upon thy face,_" Bradley stated. "And on your shoulders, and at the bottom of your cloak, and in your hair…"

"Yeah, yeah, I noticed," Envy stated, slightly agitated. "That would be Maes Hughes' blood. The deed you requested has been done."

"And the girl whose name I forget?" Bradley asked.

"Unfortunately, his daughter escaped," Envy shrugged. "But I doubt that she'll be of much danger for the time being."

"That poses a slight problem," Bradley mused. "But Hughes is dead?"

"Yes, safely dead," Envy said. "Unless someone's moved him already, he's safely buried in a ditch."

"Alright then," Bradley said. "You've done a good job, Envy. Come back tomorrow, and we'll discuss your payment." Envy exited, smirking.

From the banquet table, Mei called, "Fuhrer Bradley, sir, we're waiting for your toast."

"Fine, fine," Bradley said, returning to the table. Supposedly unnoticed, however, entered through a nearby wall the translucent "ghost" of Maes Hughes, who promptly sat down where Bradley had been supposed to sit. Although completely silent, he was muttering something under his breath.

It would be interesting to note that at this point, Brosh paused in his fussing over Ross to whisper to her, "Is that General Hughes?"

"I believe it is," Ross whispered back. "What's he saying under his breath like that?"

Brosh looked for a moment before replying, "I believe he's swearing. Badly, I might add."

Kimbley then hissed across the table, "Shh! We're not supposed to know he's here."

"Ah yes," Ross and Brosh whispered back. "Sorry."

(The authoress would like to apologize at this time for the digression above.)

"Please sit down, sir," Brosh requested audibly.

"I wonder where Hughes is." Bradley mused as he walked closer to the table. "He said he'd be back in time for the dinner."

"He's right there in your chair," Ross muttered inaudibly. Audibly, she said, "What does it matter? Come on and sit, sir."

"_The table's full,_" Bradley noted, eyes widening slightly as he saw Hughes sitting in his seat.

Ross giggled as Brosh replied, attempting to keep as straight a face as possible, "What are you talking about, sir? There's a seat reserved right there, just for you."

"I think he just muttered the F word…" Kimbley noted under his breath as Hughes continued to mutter silent curses.

"Where is this open seat of which you speak?" Bradley asked, staring at Hughes as well. When Brosh pointed directly to the seat where Hughes was still spitting out curse words, the former still attempting to stifle his laughter, Bradley hissed to Hughes, "Why are you here? I didn't do it; go bother someone else."

Mei stood up and tried to calm everyone down, saying, "The Fuhrer's not well right now; the stress of his new position must be putting strain on his mind." She then pulled Bradley over for a minute and hissed, "_Are you a man?_"

"Of course I'm not a man," he hissed back. "I'm a homunculus, and you already knew that."

"That's not the point," Mei spat, exasperated. "What I meant was, are you that wimpy as to let some hallucination get the best of you?"

"She obviously can't see him, can she?" Ross muttered before bursting into quiet laughter.

Hughes got up from his seat at that moment and left the room, this time using the doorway. As Bradley noticed, he muttered quietly, "Yeesh, there was a time when you killed a man and he stayed dead."

(On a side-note, Hughes then held up a small sign through the doorway that stated, "For information about the authoress' manga Pride theory, please read "Excessive Pride", a link to which can be found on her profile." He held it up for a moment, and then put it down.)

Mei sighed. "Fuhrer, sir, just let this go and toast already."

"Alright," Bradley stated. He walked over to the seat where Hughes had been sitting and raised his glass, as did everyone else. "To the general joy of everyone here, and to Maes Hughes, who should be here but isn't."

They all toasted and drank. Hughes then entered the room once more and stood, arms folded, right by the doorway. When Bradley noticed, he hissed toward Hughes, "Okay, I get your point, you're mad, now go away."

Mei laughed nervously and stated, "He does this all the time… I can't ever stop him from having these hallucinations."

"If only you knew," Ross stated, attempting to stifle even louder laughter.

Bradley hissed once again, "Just go away, or if you won't, be like Envy and transform into some other shape. Better yet, just go away."

Hughes smiled, stuck his tongue out in mockery, and left the room through the wall.

Bradley sighed and stated to Mei, "Everything's alright now."

Ross, Brosh, and Kimbley took a minute, but they all managed to stop laughing. Ross then cleared her throat and asked, "What happened, sir? Why were you muttering like that?"

Mei laughed nervously some more, stating, "Oh, that's just how he gets sometimes. I'd suggest you go to your chambers before something worse happens."

"Goodnight then," Brosh stated, and he, Ross, and Kimbley left the room.

When the three had left, Bradley turned to Mei and asked, "What time it is?"

"Just about midnight. Why?"

"Tomorrow," he stated, "I'm going back to those witches and getting them to tell me more. After all, it's impossible to go back now, so we might as well go all the way, and there's still more to do."

"Fine," Mei said, too tired to argue, "but at least get some sleep first."

"Good night," Bradley said, walking off.

"Good night," Mei replied, retiring to her own chambers.

* * *

Backstage, Russell applauded Hughes as the "dead" man sat back down on his bed. "That was a great performance," Russell said, on the verge of tears from laughing so hard. "What exactly were you muttering, exactly?" 

"If I told you," Maes replied, stretching, "the rating of this story would be far higher than T." He looked up at the rafters and called out to Envy, "Hey, are you going to get back to playing that guitar or what?"

Envy shouted back, "Hold your horses, it's got a broken string."

* * *

_Author's Note: Tee hee… Maes sticking his tongue out at Bradley… I just couldn't resist, regardless of how out of character it is._


	11. Act 3 Scenes 5 and 6

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 3, Scenes 5 and 6**

New characters featured in this chapter:

**Hecate:** Ran Fan, Ling's shy, yet extraordinarily loyal, bodyguard. Currently recovering from automail surgery (she lost her left arm in a battle), there may or may not be romance between herself and her young master. For the sake of this fic, let's assume that there is.

**Harpier:** Black Hayate. Technically Riza Hawkeye's dog. Let's just say the selection of animals from which to choose from in Fullmetal Alchemist is limited at best.

**Hecate's Unnamed Familiar: **Den, Winry's dog. Technically, Hecate's familiar isn't even supposed to show up in the play except for one line. However, for the sake of including Den in this… yeah.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

When we last left Edward and Alphonse, they were quietly dragging an unconscious Greedling through the streets. Edward was very annoyed: firstly, he had to drag the unconscious Prince Stupid through the streets, being careful not to let him wake up or… face the consequences. Second, he had Xiao-Mei, Mei Chang's stupid weird cat-like creature (also known as a "panda", although he doesn't know that), clinging with its sharp teeth to his arm and refusing to let go. (Not that it was painful or anything – luckily, it was his right, prosthetic arm.) And thirdly, Alphonse was hardly doing any of the actual pulling of the aforementioned Prince Stupid; he was merely loosely holding onto the prince's arm and walking while focusing his full attention on cuddling Timmy, who was safely tucked up in a fold in his cloak. 

Yes, Edward Elric was extraordinarily pissed right about now.

However, he attempted to grin and bear it… or at least, the second half of that statement. For the moment, he had to find the one person who could at least solve one of his problems. And that person just happened to be recovering from fairly recent automail surgery, so it was obvious that they weren't going anywhere for the time being.

Yup, Edward knew exactly where Ran Fan was bound to be – his friend Winry's house, second floor, bed closest to the door of the guest bedroom, in at least minor pain.

Grunting a rushed "hello" to Winry and Pinako as he dragged Ling along and attempted to get Alphonse to follow too, Ed walked briskly up the stairs and opened the door to the aforementioned bedroom.

(Meanwhile, backstage…

"There we go, all tuned," Envy stated as he sat his guitar on his lap.

"About time," Hughes murmured. Envy shot him a death glare, which the Brigadier General promptly returned before the palm-tree transformed into the same boy as before – blond, triangular hair with a purple splotch – and began to strum a haunting melody on the stringed instrument.)

There sat Ran Fan on the bed, looking possibly livelier than anyone could have expected really. After all, although she had undergone the surgery just two weeks ago, she was already sitting up in bed by herself. She was looking out the window while holding her mask in her hands, seemingly debating whether or not to see if it still fit after all this time.

At that precise moment, Ling just happened to wake up. He looked around, noticed where he was and who was around, pulled his hand out of Al's (although the latter didn't notice, being too caught up in paying attention to Timmy), and waved, saying "Hey, Ran Fan. Nice to see you!"

Ran Fan turned toward the sound and, upon noticing everyone, smiled. Pulling herself up from her seat, she walked over to Ling and hugged him. "Young Master! You're safe! I was so… wait a sec," Ran look at Ling's eyes for a second. Two seconds later, Edward had to drop the arm that he was still holding and cringe as automail arm met human skull – hard.

"You're not Young Master!" Ran yelled. "I want to talk to Young Master, not the one known as Greed! Let Young Master out so I can speak with him, now!"

"Fine," Greedling stated, sensing that messing with this woman would only cause more pain on his part. He closed his eyes and concentrated, allowing the Prince of Xing to have full control.

Ling opened his eyes slightly, although to the naked eye it might not appear that way; after all, his Xingish heritage made his eyes appear slit-like, after all. "Ran Fan?" he whispered before leaping on top of her and hugging her himself. "Ran Fan, I've missed you so much! It gets so lonely being cooped up with Greed in control all the time."

"I've missed you too, Young Master!" Ran Fan cried, rolling on the floor with Ling in her arms.

"…That was unexpected," Ed said, watching the scene with disgust. Al, however, was still paying no attention, so things were at least somewhat better.

Black Hayate and Den then ran out from under the bed and chased each other around the rolling couple.

Several minutes to an hour later…

Ran Fan suddenly stopped rolling, turned her head away, and coughed, vomiting a slight amount of blood.

Immediately, Ling whisked her up and placed her back in bed, saying, "Coughing up blood isn't good, Ran Fan. I had no idea you were still recovering… you need to rest."

Ran Fan shook her head. "I'm fine, don't worry about me."

Ed sighed. "Well, the next scene that we're in requires that we're here anyway, so let's just stay here and let Ran Fan get some sleep." He then proceeded to shake his arm, attempting to get the strange cat (PANDA!) to stop biting his automail. After all, if it broke a wire in there, Winry would have a fit.

* * *

"All I'm saying," Brosh stated, scarfing down another bite of the crêpe he was having, "is that this all sounds a little bit fishy. I mean, Fuhrer Russell's death, as well as the late Brigadier General Hughes (dying for the second time, mind you). The 'official' version states that Mustang and Falman hired people to killRussellin order to seize the throne for themselves. In a fit of pure grief, Bradley killed the guards too. _Aye, and wisely too, for 'twould have angered any heart alive to hear the men deny 't._ But enough about that. Have you heard anything about the mysterious Macduff lately, Kimbley?" 

Kimbley drank a sip of his hot chocolate before stating, "I've heard he's gone off to find Mustang, Falman, and whoever else can band together in order to stop the tyranny of Fuhrer King Bradley."

"Well, let's hope he manages to find them then," Brosh stated. "Although I wonder who Macduff is, anyway. None of the reviewers have any clue yet."

"Well," Kimbley replied, "All I've heard I heard from Lieutenant Havoc, who reportedly heard it from Major Avalon, but apparently Macduff's identity's presence causes a severe plot hole in this story."

"That sounds about right," Brosh stated, paying for his crêpe and getting up. "Well, see you later, Kimbley."

"See you later," Kimbley stated, sipping his hot chocolate. If he listened closely enough, he could almost hear tiny explosions in his mouth where the liquid met his tongue. Ah, the sweet sound of explosions.

* * *

_Author's Note: If you're wondering, I've never been to any cafés except for French ones, so I modeled the one that Kimbley and Brosh went to after a French café. Don't ask why I put them at a café to begin with – I just decided it sounded like a good idea. And I'm fully aware that Ling and Ran Fan are probably both way out of character._


	12. Act 4 Scene 1

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 4, Scene 1**

New characters featured in this chapter:

**The Armed Head: **The elder Slicer brother. (He's the one bound to the helmet.) The reasoning is simple – with Alphonse in his regular body, there's really only one suit of armor that the authoress would allow into this story.

**The Bloody Child: **Anime Wrath. Nyah, this is supposed to be more on the manga timeline, but for the sake of all things random, he's here, and man is he hyper.

**The Crowned Child:** Winry Rockbell. Edward's automail mechanic (and possible lover). …What? They're staying at her house currently, no?

**Descendants of Banquo: **Elysia Hughes. I know, there are supposed to be eight, but mirrors take care of that. Gracia Hughes is technical support.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

In the dark room, not a single light was emitted. Well, that is, not until a trio of candles were lit. The three candles then lit what appeared to be oddly similar to a stovetop, revealing (just barely) the faces of three young men in cloaks around a pot (as well as a cat perched atop one of their shoulders who mewed three times). 

Ling, Ed, and Al (being said three young men) then began to walk around the pot (the former two with extremely agitated attitudes about it), and as they began tossing random ingredients into the pot, the three of them began to chant softly.

"_Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn, and cauldron bubble._" Note that the chant was (except for Alphonse, who was thoroughly enjoying this) done in an exceedingly deadpan fashion.

Ling and Ed had refused from the start to actually say any of the particular lines describing any of the ingredients they were putting into said pot, so Alphonse did all of those. He did it so convincingly, in fact, that Ed grew slightly nauseous as his brother recited, "_Finger of birth-strangled babe ditch-delivered by a drab, make the gruel thick and slab. Add thereto a tiger's chaudron for th' ingredients to our cauldron._"

("What's a 'chaudron?'?" Ling wound up asking. Alphonse shrugged lightly, attempting to keep Timmy from diving into the pot.

"Innards," Edward muttered, turning away to prevent himself from throwing up. Ling looked away as well, utterly disgusted.)

Finally, the entire thing was finished, and the pot was bubbling warmly. Ling then opened the door, flooding the closet with light, and called, "Ran Fan! Chicken soup's ready!"

(Yes, the ingredients they had been putting into the pot had been, instead of the tiger's entrails and other variousthingsthat were described, various herbs and spices such as basil and thyme, as well as a large amount of white-meat chicken. But I digress.)

"Okay," Ran Fan said, attempting to sit up. During the break, she had settled on wearing a glittering butterfly-shaped mask, seeing as that's what the script called for. Also, she was wearing a thick wool blanket in a cloak-like manner, for the extensive energy she had expended had made her feverish.

"No, Ran Fan," Ling called back as he noticed her sitting up. "You just lay there and rest. We'll bring your soup out to you."

Several minutes (and one cracked bowl –

"That Mei girl's stupid cat tripped me!" Edward cried –

) later, Ran Fan was eating, Ed was caressing his injured right leg while glaring nastily at Xiao Mei, Al was petting Timmy some more, and Ling was… well, being Ling and fussing some more over Ran Fan. But that all changed when who should walk up the stairs but none other than Fuhrer King Bradley.

"_How now, you secret, black, and midnight hags? What is 't that you do?_" he cried.

Al glared at Bradley as though nothing in the world was more insulting than that previous remark. Ling and Ran Fan completely ignored the newcomer, and Ed sighed. "Okay," he stated. "Since you're here, that must mean you've already hired Envy to kill Hughes again. However, that was written in the stupid script, so I'll ignore that for the moment. So, judging by how far we are, you want to know more about the prophesy, right?"

Bradley nodded as his temper began to escalate.

"Well then, let's get started so we can leave," Ed stated, clapping his hands. He touched a spot on the wall and alchemized it into a doorway. "Let's see who's behind door number one. Just remember – don't speak to them."

The door opened, and there on a pedestal sat the helmet of the Slicer Brothers' armor. His eyes glowed fiercely as he stated, "Bradley, Bradley, Bradley. _Beware Macduff! Beware the Thane of Fife! Dismiss me. Enough._" The younger Slicer Brother then walked in silently in the rest of the armor and picked up his elder brother, placing him back on top before the pair retreated back into the darkness of beyond the closet. The door closed.

Before Bradley could say anything, Ed clapped his hands again. "You want to know more? Oh, you do? Great! Let's try door number two then!" His voice became more exasperated as he touched his hands to the door once again, turning it into a… different door. As this door opened, it revealed inside Anime Wrath, who was covered in a layer of some sort of red material – Bradley decided not to ask what it was; he was already horrified by how bad this plot-hole was.

Anime Wrath then tried to sound as mysterious as he could as he stated, "Bradley, Bradley, Bradley. _Be bloody, bold, and resolute. Laugh to scorn the power of man, for none of woman born shall harm _Bradley." He then retreated into the darkness as well, and the door closed.

Alphonse thought to himself as he looked away, _That should prove helpful to those trying to find out a certain character's identity – after all, we're working mostly with the manga timeline here, although there are a few notable execptions._ Aloud, he whispered to Timmy, "Do you want some milk, Timmy? I don't think Nii-san's had his, and I don't think he'd mind if I gave it to you." Timmy mewed in delight, and the two of them left the room.

Once again before Bradley could say anything, Ed clapped and touched the door again, saying, "And there's one other apparition-ish person who wants to talk to you! Please welcome the person who's behind door number three!"

The door opened, and there sat Winry Rockbell. How she got from downstairs to behind the mysterious door not even she knew, and she decided to ask Ed what exactly had just happened later. (His apology for not telling her sooner would probably involve a flying wrench or two.) Aloud, however, she stated, "_Be lion-mettled, proud, and take no care who chafes, who frets, or where conspirers are. _Bradley_ shall never vanquished be until Great Birnam Wood to high Dunsinane Hill shall come against him._" She then walked quietly back into the darkness of the room behind the door, and as said door closed once again, she found herself mysteriously back in the kitchen, where Alphonse was at the table, giving Timmy Ed's serving of milk. (She chose not to complain.)

"There now," Ed said with an eerily cheerful tone. "Is there anything _else_ you want to ask?"

"Why yes, in fact, there is," Bradley stated, his annoyance rising. "I'm satisfied with my relative safety – I mean, a whole forest moving is not very likely. But whose children will take over after me – my own, or Maes Hughes'?"

Ed smiled. "You know, I'm actually looking forward to seeing the look on your face when you see, Fuhrer." He transmuted the door one more time, and then he opened it.

Out of the door walked Gracia Hughes, who dragged a large, eight paneled mirror into the room from behind her. After she set it up, she whistled, and out walked Elysia, decked out in a beautiful princess outfit and a golden crown to boot. The mirrors were set up in just the right way so that it appeared as though eight Elysias were standing in a circle. The ghostly form of Maes Hughes joined his wife next to the mirrors, and the entire family smiled. (Well, Maes' was more of a smart smirk with a tad bit of tongue showing, but you get the picture.)

"What is this?" Bradley cried, appalled. "Clones of Hughes' daughter, whose name I forget?"

"It's ELYSIA!" Hughes, Gracia, Elysia and Edward all shouted in unison, the first in that list beginning to fume so badly that he could have almost rivaled some of Roy's flame alchemy.

Ling and Ran Fan sighed. "I think it's time for all of us to go," Ling said, standing up and detaching the bed from the wall. After all, this bed was specially designed for the play and had wheels for easy escape. Ed quietly transmuted the window into a ramp to the ground, and as the Hughes family walked back into the dark room and closed the door (which promptly disappeared), Ed, Ling, and Ran Fan rode the bed down the ramp. Ed fixed the house up once they hit the ground, and Ling called into the house, "Hey Al! We're leaving now!"

"I'm coming!" Al cried, running out of the house with Timmy as the pair attempted to catch up to the rolling bed.

The last thing anyone heard (for the time being) of the four of them was Ed shouting gleefully, "FREEDOM!"

Bradley stared out the window, flabbergasted, before who else should show up in the room than Denny Brosh. The Fuhrer asked, "Did you see Fullmetal and his friends ride by on a bed just now?"

"No sir, I didn't," Brosh stated. "I was downstairs the whole time, having coffee with Lieutenant Ross. Mrs. Rockbell makes especially good coffee. But the main reason I came was because I heard you were here, and I needed to let you know (for script-fulfilling purposes) that the mysterious Macduff has fled to England."

"Ah, I see," Bradley stated. "In that case, I'll just have to go to England and kill him and his family. Good day, Brosh."

"Good day, Fuhrer," Brosh stated as Bradley left the room. The Sergeant stood still for a minute, trying to figure out what the Fuhrer had meant. However, he quickly gave up and went back downstairs to fuss some more over Lieutenant Ross.


	13. Act 4 Scenes 2 and 3

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 4, Scenes 2 and 3**

New characters featured in this chapter:

**Lady Macduff: **Martel, the snake chimera. While she's not completely sure why she's even been asked to be part of this, she has decided to grin and bear the one scene that she's in.

**Macduff's Son: **Biddo, the lizard chimera. He's somewhat insane, so he doesn't really realize what's going on.

**Other Members of the Macduff Household: **Roa, the bull chimera, and Dorochet, the dog chimera. Technically, there are no other members of the Macduff household mentioned in the original play, but for the sake of having these two in here… yeah.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

"You have to understand, Miss Martel," Ross stated as the snake chimera sat angrily in the corner. "He had a very good reason for leaving like this; Brosh told me that he's in danger. I can't tell you all the details, but he was only thinking about your safety when he fled." 

"He thinks that leaving us behind will protect us?" Martel retaliated. "I'm sorry, but… Macduff, he's being called here, right?" She looked quickly at a note card to confirm and continued, "Macduff is a coward. He should stay behind and protect his family rather than fleeing the country; _for the poor wren (the most diminutive of birds) will fight, her young ones in her nest, against the owl_."

"I have no way to respond to that statement," Dorochet snickered from atop a pile of boxes, earning a glare from Martel.

"Dorochet, behave," Roa stated, implying plainly that he was not averse to putting the dog through a significant amount of pain should he annoy the snake too much more.

Ross sighed. "I guess I can't convince you, huh. Well, I'll be back soon to check on you. Please be careful." She then walked quietly out of the room.

Martel sighed, and then looked down to see Biddo tugging on her shirt. "Is something wrong, Martel?" the lizard asked.

Martel turned toward the diminutive chimera and stated, "Macduff is a traitor. That's all."

"And what's a traitor?" Biddo asked, refusing to let up on the subject. Dorochet rolled his eyes; he wasn't quite sure whether he was seeing the lizard's own stupidity or the stupidity of the son he was supposed to be playing. Either way, it was getting on his nerves.

"According to the note card," Martel responded, "_Why, one that swears and lies._"

Biddo didn't have time for this to sink in, as suddenly none other than Kain Feury should appear, panting at the door. Before he fainted from exhaustion, the young man managed to squeak, "You all… need to… get out… of here… Bradley's… men… they're coming for you!"

"They're coming for us?" Roa asked, slightly surprised.

"We should probably get out of here then," Dorochet stated, hopping down from his perch atop the boxes.

Before the small group of chimeras could leave, however, none other than Lust should appear at the doorway. "Why, hello there," the homunculus stated, bearing her nails.

"Woah, woah," Martel stated, waving her hands to indicate a time-out. "Weren't there supposed to be _two_ murderers that show up in this scene at the very least?"

"Well," Lust replied, shifting her feet, "Envy would have come, except he had a little… _accident_ with the strings of his guitar."

(Backstage, Russell stood against the wall, whistling innocently as he tried to conceal the pair of scissors he held behind his back. In the background, one could hear Maes Hughes' suppressed snickers.)

"Long story short, I sincerely doubt that he's going to recover quickly from six snapped strings at once directly to the forehead. So, you just get me." Lust shrugged. "I hope that's not a problem."

"Fine," Martel sighed. "Just get this over with so we can leave."

"I'll be as quick about it as possible then," Lust stated, extending her fingernails so that they impaled Biddo right on the spot.

"Oh no. Murder," Martel stated, trying to feign horror but only managing to utilize an odd deadpan method. Then, the three other chimeras ran off in separate directions, each yelling, "Try and catch me, Lust!" or "No, me first!" or "I'm no good at sarcasm!"

Lust sighed and, nails extended, chased after the chimeras. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

In a random café somewhere near the outskirts of Xing, Macduff and Mustang sat down and ordered, of all things, lemonade. While their drinks were being ordered, Mustang began the conversation. 

"So, in the beginning of this scene," the Colonel began, "we're supposed to have some long, drawn-out conversation about how I don't trust you because you were one of Bradley's right-hand men or something, and you're supposed to convince me otherwise, correct?"

Macduff nodded. "However," he interrupted, "I received this note just a few minutes ago from one Major Avalon, which states that because the Authoress does not know exactly how to write a script for us to perform for this scene, we should just skip that part."

"Good," Mustang said, folding his arms. "I daresay this means they've gotten past _that _scene by now – you know, the one with Hughes…" He cleared his throat quietly.

"It's kind of unfair to him," Macduff stated. "Having to die twice when he's not even accustomed to having died once…"

Mustang looked at Macduff for a minute before stating, "I didn't realize you were this into the Authoress' theory."

Macduff did not have a chance to reply, as Maria ran up to them. Breathing heavily, she managed to say, "Sirs… the Macduff household… all the chimeras… they're all… either dead… or missing."

Macduff got up from his chair abruptly, making the waiter who was just getting there with the lemonades very nervous. He slammed a gloved hand on the table and said in disbelief, "_All my pretty ones? Did you say 'all'? O hell-kite! All? What, all my pretty chickens and their dam at one fell swoop?_"

Ross nodded, while Mustang merely rolled his eyes at the thought of the various chimeras, each of whom had a specific species, being called 'chickens'. "Only the lizard named Biddo is confirmed to be dead; none of the others' bodies have been located. Either way, apparently it was King Bradley who sent an assassin."

"_An_ assassin?" Mustang asked, sipping his lemonade. "I thought there were supposed to be two."

"I heart that Envy died backstage via a snapped guitar string," Ross offered.

Macduff remained silent for a moment, and then sat down and took a deep sip of his lemonade. "Bradley will pay for this. I will do battle with him, and if he should escape… well, he won't escape."

"Alright," Mustang said, not highly amused. Then, attempting to change the subject, he asked, "Lieutenant Ross, would you like something to drink?"


	14. Act 5 Scene 1

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 5, Scene 1**

New characters featured in this chapter:

**Doctor: **Doctor Tim Marcoh. Chosen for, well, his aptitude at being a doctor, Marcoh is quite enthusiastic in his role. The reason is as yet unknown, although there is a rumor that the authoress may have nudged him into the role in exchange for the safety of a certain little town…

**Waiting-Person**: Fletcher Tringam. Yes, this is a gender-change (as were, among others, Ross to… well, Ross. and Fleance to Elysia). He just seemed the best for the role.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

"So, why exactly did you call me here?" Marcoh asked Fletcher as they sat quietly at a small table in Central Headquarters. 

"Well," Fletcher began nervously, "Lady Mei Chang has been acting very strange lately – in fact, pretty much ever since Nii-san was killed off near the beginning of the play. Every night, _I have seen her rise from her bed, throw her night-gown upon her, unlock her closet, take forth paper, fold it, write upon 't, read it, afterwards seal it, and again return to bed; yet all this while in a most fast sleep_." He discarded his first note card carefully in the trash.

Marcoh pondered this. "Well, while this is happening, does she do anything else? Like, say, talking?"

"She does," Fletcher replied sheepishly, "although I don't think I should tell you the manner of it."

Just then, Mei Chang happened to enter the room. While she was carrying a small lamp, her eyes were blank and droopy; this made it quite obvious that she was not awake. "Here she comes," Fletcher warned. "And as far as I can tell, she's still completely asleep."

Mei walked over to a nearby sink and, after placing the lamp on it, proceeded to turn on the tap and allow the water to gush over her hands. She rubbed them furiously, muttering things. Fletcher and Marcoh stayed silent, simply watching.

Mei started drearily, "Why won't this spot come off my hand…? Ah, my Fuhrer, think not about what has happened. As who can go against us when there are no witnesses… but who would have thought there would be so much blood in that man…"

Fletcher looked hopefully at Marcoh, who merely looked back with an equally confused glance.

Still, the Xingish girl had more to say. "Macduff had a wife. Where is she now, I wonder? What, here's another spot bigger than the first! Will these hands ever be clean?" She continued to rub her hands under the water, muttering, "_All the perfumes of _Xing_ will not sweeten this little hand_."

"What do you think?" Fletcher whispered to the doctor.

Marcoh shook his head. "This is beyond my practice. I deal only in physical maladies; the Lady, however, is obviously suffering from something mental."

Mei then turned off the tap and stated, "_To bed, to bed. There's knocking at the gate. What's done cannot be undone. To bed, to bed, to bed._" She then picked up her lamp once again and left the room.

"And now she's going directly to her bed?" Marcoh asked, mostly to confirm what he already knew.

"Yes, sir, directly," Fletcher responded.

"Well, here's what I say," Marcoh said, standing up and stretching. "Keep an eye on her. Make sure that you remove anything that might cause her stress, and still keep an eye on her."

"Alright," Fletcher replied. "Goodnight, doctor."

The two of them exited the room in different directions. As Marcoh walked off, he muttered, "I wonder if I should have told him that it was red water coming out of that tap?"

Fletcher, meanwhile, muttered, "I wonder if I should have told him that that's the tap that leads to and blocks off the supply of red water to Headquarters, the reason for the existence of which I have no clue."

The two of them paused for a moment, and then simultaneously stated, "Nah."


	15. Act 5 Scenes 2, 3, and 4

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 5, Scenes 2, 3, and 4**

New characters featured in this chapter:

**Menteith: **Jean Havoc. Handy with a gun on the battlefield, he fits easily into this military-ish thane role. Now if only he'd give up smoking…

**Caithness: **Heymans Breda. Also handy on the battlefield, that's really the only reason why he was casted in this at all.

**Seyton: **Juliet Douglas. Bradley's loyal anime secretary, it makes sense that she would be casted as his most loyal servant.

**Siward: **Riza Hawkeye. The authoress would like to take this opportunity to apologize for yet another gender change; however, Riza fits very easily into this role as well. (And wait till you see who is casted as Young Siward…)

**A Random Soldier: **Haruko. Yes, everyone's favorite Major General didn't actually get enough stage time, so just to give him slightly more, he's been casted into this role as well.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

"See, this is why I hate that I was casted accidentally as two people," Brosh stated wearily, dragging his feet. "How appropriate that there _is_, in fact, _one_ scene where both of the people I'm supposed to be appear at the exact same time." 

"I don't know why you're so worked up about that, Brosh," Havoc stated, quietly lighting a cigarette. "But there's no point to that. We're supposed to meet the Colonel and his troops over at some place called Birnam Wood and go attack Bradley's fortress."

"Besides," Breda continued, "this scene's going to end as soon as you say _make we our march towards Birnam_ anyway, Brosh." He brought a porcelain mug filled with some sort of hot beverage to his lips and took a long drink.

"I wish Maria was here," Brosh stated miserably. "I've almost worked up the courage to ask her…" He stopped and sighed. "But what if she says no?"

"Go on and do it," Havoc stated. "Worst case scenario, you'll know what I've felt at least a hundred times in my own life. But my suggestion is to do it _after_ this ordeal is over."

"You're right," Brosh stated, suddenly getting a large burst of energy. "In that case, _Make we our march towards Birnam_!"

"There now," Breda stated. "That wasn't so tough, was it?"

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the castle, the Fuhrer was insanely pacing back and forth. "They can't ruin me; I cannot fall until those woods come over to this hill. Something about no one who is born of a woman being able to harm me either – I mean, don't all humans come out of their mother's womb? And, I also have my homunculus powers still. I'm utterly invincible!" 

Suddenly, who should burst through the door than the terrified Kain Feury, who reported, "Fuhrer, sir, there are ten thousand soldiers out there!"

Bradley raised an eyebrow. "Do you think I care? Get out of my sight!"

Feury then fled, muttering to himself, "I could have asked for a backstage part, but _no_. I wanted to be _useful_. The sound booth suddenly seems a lot more useful than this!"

Bradley sighed quietly before calling, "Miss Douglas, please come here!"

Juliet popped her head through the doorway. "What is it, Fuhrer sir?"

"Is what he said true?"

"Yes it is, sir."

"In that case," Bradley replied, "I'll fight to the bitter end. But first," He then turned to where Doctor Marcoh was standing in a different doorway. "How is Lady Mei doing?"

"_Not so sick, my lord,_" Marcoh replied, "_as she is troubled with thick-coming fancies that keep her from her rest._"

"Well, you're a doctor!" Bradley shouted. "Cure her of that!"

"Honestly, sir," Marcoh noted, "I didn't know you cared about her so much."

"I'm only following the script," Bradley hissed. Then aloud, he stated, "Find her disease and cure it. Meanwhile, I must be off to battle. But _I will not be afraid of death and bane till Birnam Forest come to Dunsinane_."

Doctor Marcoh sighed. "Note to self: don't let any more authoresses talk you into roles in Shakespeare plays."

* * *

The forces that Havoc, Brosh and Breda had gathered together now met up with Mustang's forces in Birnam Wood. Standing next to him was one of the soldiers that had been sent from the King of England to help out: Riza Hawkeye. Roy and Riza, of course, seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves. 

"So what do we do now?" Havoc asked, reaching for a cigarette before noticing Mustang's glare and quietly putting it away.

Mustang looked around and, seeing Haruko, called, "Haruko, come here."

"Why do I have to listen to you?" Haruko asked, getting up. "I do technically outrank you, Colonel."

"Not in this story you don't, _Captain_," Mustang teased. "It'll be good for you – deflate your ego a bit. But anyway, I want you to get all of the soldiers to cut down a piece of one of the trees in this wood and carry it; _thereby shall we shadow the numbers of our host and make discovery err in report of us_."

"In English," Hawkeye murmured, "that means it will conceal our numbers from the enemy."

"Yes sir," Haruko said grudgingly.

"And as soon as everyone's done that," Breda stated, "I suppose the war will begin."


	16. Act 5 Scenes 5, 6, and 7

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 5, Scenes 5, 6, and 7**

New characters featured in this chapter:

**Young Siward:** Alex Louis Armstrong. The authoress is prepared for the eventuality that someone is going to shoot her for this; however, she decided strongly against casting Envy or Barry the Chopper as this character, so Armstrong was really the only option left. Besides, this provides more of an entertainment value than Barry would.

**Disclaimer**: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

Bradley began ordering random servants to hang war banners on the outside of the castle and prepare the weapons for war, all the while muttering insanely to himself random phrases summarizing into the thought that he was invincible. Suddenly, however, he heard the cry of a woman from inside one of the rooms. 

"What was that?" Bradley asked Miss Douglas quickly.

"_It is the cry of woman, my good lord_," Douglas replied dully. "I'll go check the details." She left the room quietly, and when she came back, she reported, "Lady Mei Chang is dead, sir."

"Oh great," Bradley replied, slumping over. "If only she had lived slightly longer to see my victory. But then, she's a mere human, and their lives are short."

Then, who else but Kain Feury walked into the room, a look of deep anger on his face. Obviously, he was not happy to have been forced back into this room. However, Bradley did not see this, and he asked, "What is it, Feury?"

"Sir," Feury replied slowly, attempting to avoid blowing up at the Fuhrer but to exhibit his deep displeasure nonetheless, "_I looked toward Birnam, and anon methought the wood began to move_."

"You lie!" Bradley hissed.

"No I don't," Feury replied. "If it's false, I'll endure your wrath." Juliet snickered quietly at that, but with a quick warning glance from Bradley she went back to her usual deadpan self.

"I'll look for myself," Bradley stated as he walked toward the window. On the way there, he muttered to himself, "_'Fear not till Birnam Wood do come to Dunsinane,' and now a wood comes toward Dunsinane._ This is certainly annoying." And as he looked out the window and confirmed it, he said a word so foul that if it was to be related here, this fic would be rated far more than T.

* * *

The rebel army marched on, led by Mustang, Hawkeye and Macduff. They soon reached the base of Dunsinane Hill, and Mustang ordered quickly, "Okay everyone, we're close to the castle now. Drop your branches; they'd only hinder you in the fight ahead." Everyone dropped the branches they had been carrying, and Mustang turned to Hawkeye and Macduff. "Hawkeye, you and Armstrong lead the battle, while Macduff, you and we will do whatever we feel is necessary." 

"Honestly, sir," Hawkeye stated blandly, "why are you using the royal 'we' at a time like this?"

Mustang shrugged. "It's in the script."

"Also, sir, I was wondering where Falman is. Would you happen to know?"

"All I know," Mustang answered, "is that he isn't called for in the script. I think he's still wherever he went way back at the end of Act 2 Scene 3."

"Oh. In that case, let's go then," Hawkeye replied.

"Yes," Macduff stated. "To battle we go."

And thus, the entire army moved forward.

* * *

Bradley continued to mutter various things to himself, most of them related to the man-not-born-of-woman prophesy. Then, however, entered Alex Louis Armstrong from some random corridor. 

"_What is thy name?_" Armstrong asked. "And after you answer that, what is your quest, and what is your favorite color?"

"Okay," Bradley stated, "apart from that extraordinarily pathetic Monty Python reference, I don't think I'm going to tell you."

"If it's because you are afraid that I won't like it, just say it anyway," Armstrong stated, taking off his shirt and exposing his muscles exuberantly.

"Okay, fine," Bradley replied. "In order, the answers are Fuhrer King Bradley, to secure my position as Fuhrer, and red. That good?"

Armstrong then began to scowl. "No name is more hateful to my ears. For the slaughter of the Ishballans that _you_ started –"

"Actually, that was Envy," Bradley retorted.

" – and for the various murders that have happened throughout this play," Armstrong continued, flexing his muscles as though he hadn't hear the Fuhrer's interjection, "you will feel my wrath!"

"Anime or Manga Wrath?" Bradley asked.

Armstrong lowered his arms. "Well, aren't you one to be anticlimactic today." He then raised his arms and prepared for battle, crying out, "This method of hand-to-hand combat has been passed down the Armstrong line for GENERATIONS!" He then lunged towards Bradley, who promptly and easily took him down.

"So much for Major Armstrong," Bradley stated, using all his strength to push Armstrong's bleeding body through a random doorway. "But then, that's to be expected, seeing as you were born of a woman." He then exited the room.

A few seconds after Bradley left, Macduff happened to enter. He looked around and scowled. "Where are you, Bradley? If I don't kill you, the ghosts of the chimeras will forever haunt me because I was unable to avenge them. But I don't want to kill anyone else." Looking around one more time, he exited the room – ironically enough, just as Mustang and Hawkeye entered.

"So the war is going well then?" Mustang asked.

Hawkeye nodded. "The rest of the military is fighting well. All that's left is to take down the inside of the castle. Shall we enter, sir?"

"Yes," Mustang replied, and the two of them walked into the castle together.

* * *

_Author's Note: This is it, the final four scenes of MacBradley. I know, there are only three scenes in this chapter. This is because the final scene is coming in the next chapter. But before then, I am just going to use this space to acknowledge all of the people who have supported me in this, the first multi-chapter fanfiction that I have actually finished. So, in no particular order:_

_Thank you to all of my reviewers (to date Paul Cousins, Notes-and-Photographs, Stitchicus, Sin of Otaku, mollykat, Hisan Kage, flOofymilkO, demon thing, Me And My God Complex, and Nazi Punk) for taking the time out of your busy schedules to write down a sentence or two telling me whether you think I am doing a good job or not._

_Thank you to my family and all of my friends at church and in school (I will not put down your names here for privacy reasons, but you know who you are) for accepting my insane nature and supporting me, consciously or not, through this project._

_A huge thank you goes to my tenth grade English teacher (again, to allow privacy I will not write your name here, but you know who you are) for introducing me to Macbeth and teaching it in such an excellent manner. It was because you taught it so well that I even got the idea of doing this parody!_

_Thank you also to those people who have read this story and have not reviewed. I can see that you exist; after all, I have access to a stats page. As of this moment, this story has received a total of 1305 page views, so I know that there are more people reading this story than are writing reviews for it._

_(Incidentally, after I post the final chapter, I will be opening up anonymous reviews to see what happens. This will allow even those people who do not have access to a fanfiction account to express their thoughts.)_

_And, of course, I must express my gratitude to Hiromu Arakawa and William Shakespeare, without whom _Fullmetal Alchemist _and _Macbeth_ would not exist._

_What of my future projects? Well, I'm definitely going to be working hard on Excessive Pride and Elemental Mages now. I also have another fanfic in development, the details of which will be released when the time is right. However, next year be prepared; I hear that the eleventh graders at my school get to study _Hamlet_, and I already have a plan for the main characters of that…_

_In short, it's been fun, thank you for reading, and now, please go ahead and click the arrow to read the final chapter of MacBradley._


	17. Act 5 Scene 8

**MacBradley (a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ style Parody of William Shakespeare's _Macbeth_)**

**Act 5, Scene 8**

New characters featured in this chapter:

None. As this is the final scene, one would hope that few if any new characters would be introduced now. However, the identity of Macduff will be revealed here, so stay tuned.

**Disclaimer**: One more time for old time's sake: _Fullmetal Alchemist_ was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. _Macbeth_ is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

* * *

Bradley entered yet another random room, and was about to sit down and take a rest when Macduff entered behind him in all his shrouded glory. "Bradley, turn and face me!" the latter shouted, pointing a sword at the Fuhrer.

Bradley sighed. "Why do we have to do this? _My soul is too much charged with blood of thine already._"

Macduff scowled. At least, he probably did, for no one could yet see his face. "I have no words for you. Face my sword!"

They then fought. Macduff was good, but Bradley managed to quickly disarm him. The Fuhrer sighed. "Why don't you just give up, Macduff? After all, _I bear a charmed life, which must not yield to one of woman born_."

Macduff suddenly chuckled. "Well, you see, Fuhrer King Bradley, I just so happen to not be born of a woman. Here, I think that showing you who I am would explain everything." And just like that, he pulled off his cloak.

Bradley gasped in horror, dropping his sword. "No, it can't be you. There's no way – it's not possible!"

"Oh, Wrath, you remember my old catch phrase, don't you? There's no such thing as no such thing," Macduff smugly replied as he was revealed to be:

The first Greed.

(After all, who else could it have been? Lyra? Oh, come on.)

"So that explains everything," Bradley stated, still shaken.

"Yup," Greed stated, picking up a sword. "The whole man-not-born-of-woman thing, anyway. After all, Father created all of us, no ladies involved. The whole how-I'm-here issue, of course, still has some questions…"

"Either way," Bradley replied, "_I'll not fight with thee_."

"_Then yield thee, coward, and live to be the show and gaze o' th' time_," Greed taunted. "I know: we can put you in a zoo or something. Just like one of the endangered creatures that are kept, with a cute little sign…"

"All right, all right," Bradley stated, agitated and retrieving his sword. "I won't yield. Although the wood came here, and you are the one opposing me and aren't born of a woman, just as the witches predicted, I'll fight to the end. _Lay on, _Greed, _and damned be him that first cries 'Hold! Enough!'"_

They fought, their clashing swords sounding like thunder and creating sparks like lightning. (A few of the sparks accidentally set a nearby rug on fire, which the two warring homunculi cooperated to put out before going back to their epic battle. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea for Bradley's sword to be lined with flint...) Eventually, however, Greed managed to stab Bradley in the chest, and the Fuhrer fell to the ground, defeated. Greed then exited the room, carrying Bradley's dead body while muttering under his breath how the guy definitely could serve to lose some weight.

Meanwhile, back over at the castle entrance, Mustang and Hawkeye met up once again. Mustang worriedly stated, "I hope everyone's all right."

"Who is missing as of yet, sir?" Hawkeye asked. "Only a few seem to be, which is good, since that means we lost few soldiers in exchange for Central back."

"Well, Macduff is missing," Mustang replied. "As is Armstrong."

Ross then entered with the rest of the army, stating, "My commanding officer, sir and ma'am, is dead. He was nobly killed while fighting Fuhrer King Bradley."

"In that case," Hawkeye replied, sighing as she looked over a note card with what she was supposed to say, "_I would not wish _him_ to a fairer death; and so his knell is knolled_."

"Okay," Mustang stated, "Apart from this knelling and knolling stuff, it's too bad he's dead."

"But on to more cheerful news, sir," Hawkeye stated, gesturing in the direction where Greed was coming from, carrying what looked suspiciously like Bradley's head.

"Fuhrer Mustang sir!" Greed called, waving.

"Ah," Ross stated. "So it was _you_ all this time. I daresay Ling is going to have a field day when he finds this out."

Ignoring that comment, Greed saluted Mustang and said, "I hold in my hand the usurper's head. I killed him, but enough of that. All hail Fuhrer Roy Mustang!"

Everyone around then echoed cheerfully, "All hail Fuhrer Roy Mustang!"

Roy then stepped up onto a conveniently placed tree stump and began a short speech. "We are going to take into account now everything for which we are indebted to you." Ignoring Hawkeye's sighing about the continued usage of the royal 'we' – after all, he reasoned, it's in the script – he continued, "In the original play, you would all be named earls. However, since they don't really exist in Amestris, we will promote all of you four ranks in the military, and those who are not currently in the military will receive the highest citizens' award we have to offer. Shortly, we will send letters out to the rest of the country to call back all those who have been chased away by the dreadful Bradley and his cruel Lady Mei Chang (_who, as 'tis thought, by self and violent hands, took off her life_)."

"That's what you think," Marcoh and Fletcher muttered to themselves from behind trees on separate sides of the army. No one else noticed.

Mustang continued, "We will take care of everything else necessary soon. But for now, _thanks to all at once and to each one, whom we invite to see us crowned at Scone_."

Everyone cheered for a few seconds, but then the forest became deathly silent. Mustang looked around nervously and asked, "Um, this is over now, right?"

Hawkeye looked over her notes. "Actually, sir, the play is over now, but we have a cast party to go to."

"In that case," Mustang replied, "what are we standing around here for? Let's all head out to the cast party!"

* * *

At the cast party that evening…

"I don't understand why you dragged me here," Ed pouted as Al sat him down at a table. "We were finally free, and you have to drag us all to the cast party."

"But Nii-san," Al pleaded, "Timmy wanted to come. Besides, this'll be fun. We get to eat food and talk to the other cast members and all that stuff."

"And another thing, why is Scar here?" Ed motioned toward the man with the X-Shaped scar on his forehead who was sitting in the corner with his brother, the two of them drinking tea. "He wasn't even _in_ this!"

"Actually, Fullmetal," Mustang replied as he and Hawkeye sat down at the table the Elric brothers had chosen, "he was briefly mentioned in Act 1 Scene 2, if you read the script. And his brother is here because he was helping with lighting backstage."

"Go away, bastard Colonel," Ed stated plainly as he attempted to not let his temper get the better of him. "Go bother someone else, like Envy or Russell."

Lust stated from the next table over where she was sitting with Gluttony, "Actually, Envy will not be attending. He's still recovering from a certain accident he had. Although I'm still not sure exactly how all six strings on his guitar snapped all at the same time."

"Mystery, mystery," Gluttony noted as he practically inhaled the large chicken on his plate.

"Besides, Fullmetal," Mustang replied with a smirk. "I want to be able to look at who I'm talking to while I'm resting my delicate neck muscles."

Al tried to restrain his brother as Edward screamed, "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHRIMP SO SMALL THAT HE CAN FIT IN A LITTLE BOWL UNDERNEATH YOUR CHIN?"

"Nii-san, he didn't say that!" Al pleaded, trying to get his older brother to calm down.

Timmy mewed quietly from atop Al's shoulder in sympathy for his new master before quietly hopping down to steal some more of Ed's milk. The blond did not complain; in fact, a spy who shall remain nameless caught him in the bathroom about half an hour later muttering to himself, "Perhaps that cat is good for something after all…"

Meanwhile, Havoc and the rest of Mustang's subordinates were sitting at a table all to themselves. Falman was sitting quietly drinking a small alcoholic beverage, Feury was glaring angrily at the table where Bradley and Miss Douglas were sitting, Breda was chowing down on some bread, and Haruko was muttering profanities to himself about how badly his part in the production had gone. Havoc sighed. "I'm afraid to say it, but I'm actually sad that this is over. Being able to move my legs for once felt really good." He motioned to the wheel-chair that he was once again sitting in.

Major Avalon sat next to him, her metallic armlet allowing her to eat a strawberry. "I still envy you, Havoc," she muttered after swallowing a small piece. "You can move your arms at least."

Just then, Mei Chang (back to her twelve-ish-year-old self) ran up to Avalon, pouting. "Miss Avalon, I think there's been a mistake," she stated, pointing to the tiny demon-like wings now protruding from her back.

Avalon turned to the princess and stated, "No, everything is in order. The authoress decided to give everyone who played a character who ended up dying a pair of wings. Your character, Lady Macbeth, died, so you get wings."

"I know that," Mei whined, "but mine are so tiny and ugly! I can't fly with these!"

Avalon replied quickly, "Well, you see, your character died later in the story, so you get smaller wings."

Just then, Armstrong flew by, his large, feathery wings flapping furiously as he cried, "This method of flight has been passed down the Armstrong line for GENERATIONS!"

"Oh be quiet," Hughes called after him, hovering in one spot with his marvelous plush wings outstretched. Quieter, he added, "The authoress should make up her mind already. Does she want to write me as a homunculus or as an angel?" He didn't have much time to dwell on this, however, as Elysia leapt from an upper landing and fell gleefully onto her father's back. Gracia smiled, content to merely watch her family frolic from the table below.

Mei stared after Armstrong and then turned to Avalon, whose expression had just gone blank. The princess stated, "His character died after mine."

"Well, uh, you see, uh…" Avalon muttered, trying to find just the right words to explain that the authoress naturally gave smaller, demonic wings to characters she didn't like.

Mei didn't allow Avalon to come up with an explanation, however, as she screeched, "I'M A PRINCESS! I EXPECT TO BE TREATED LIKE ONE! NOW GIVE ME LARGER WINGS OR I'LL SIC XIAO-MEI ON YOU!" She cuddled the small panda in her arms as she said this, obviously happy to have her friend back, and the panda bared its teeth at the Major.

"Now, now," Ling called from another table where he was enjoying dinner with Ran Fan and his… other half. "Younger half sister who is shorter than Edward, I'd suggest you be nice to the Authoress' envoy, or I'll sic Greed and Ran Fan on you, and I don't believe you'd like that." Greed grinned evilly and Ran Fan pulled out a shuriken with her automail arm, which got Mei Chang to shut up. Although the four winged chimeras standing around the table might have had something to do with it too.

Ling took a sip of his smoothie and sighed. "So where was I again? Oh yeah. The way this whole thing was explained to me in the letter I received was that in the world that this particular Authoress resides in, she extracts half of the Philosopher's Stone currently residing inside of myself and creates a new version of you. Thus, I have more control here than I do back in regular Amestris, and you can co-exist with me even though I'm technically you."

"That makes sense, I suppose," Greed replied as he sipped his glass of wine (only the finest wines imported straight from this country called France for him).

"I like it here," Ran Fan stated. "I get to be with Young Master."

"Hey Ran Fan," Ling asked suddenly. "After this, um, do you want to go down to the beach that's conveniently placed near here… with me? I hear sunsets down there are very nice."

"That sounds wonderful, Young Master," Ran Fan replied.

Meanwhile…

"Nii-san!" Fletcher called as he ran, panting furiously as he tried to catch up with his flying brother. "Wait up! I can't fly, you know!"

Russell called back as he flew through the air, "But what's the point of racing if I slow down and let you catch up?"

Doctor Marcoh sighed contently at his nearby table, not paying much attention to what was going on. Once more he looked over the letter he had received from the small village he had been serving, which read the following:

_Dear Doctor Mauro,_

_Thank you for helping our village so much. We understand that you haven't been around much lately because you have to protect us from evil people. But you don't have to do that anymore; just yesterday, a field of light came around our village and is surrounding it even now, preventing any harmful creatures from getting in while leaving us unharmed. Please come back soon; we miss you, and you have to see this marvel._

The letter went on and on like that, but Marcoh smiled. Perhaps this hadn't been such a bad thing after all.

The Slicer brothers sat at a different table, simply enjoying their surroundings since they, being souls inhabiting armor, couldn't eat. Haruko and Archer tried not to look in the direction of the samurai-like armor much, instead focusing on how much they had hated their appropriate roles. (Haruko especially was much pleased to find that he was once again a Major General and could boss Mustang around again.) Black Hayate and Den, however, managed to make things interesting by falling asleep at the two military personnel's heels.

On the other side of the room, Winry and Anime Wrath were prodding Denny. "Go on, Mr. Brosh sir," Winry said, poking the Sergeant in the ribs.

"Yeah, Mr. Brosh," Wrath echoed. "If you want to ask her out so much, go on ahead."

Denny hesitated a few moments more, but then he suddenly found courage. Standing up, he quietly walked over to the lonely table where Maria Ross was sitting and asked, "Um, Second Lieutenant Ross…"

"Yes?" Ross replied, looking up from the hot chocolate she happened to be enjoying.

"Um, well, I…" Brosh hesitated a moment, but then he finally got up the courage to ask, "After this, do you want to go out to the movies with me?"

Maria sat there dumbstruck for a moment, but then she smiled. "Of course, Denny. You know, I was getting slightly impatient waiting for you to finally ask me out."

Denny's face lit up, and Winry and Wrath smiled happily for him from their table.

This happiness was short lived, however, because just then none other than Julio Comanche stepped into the room. (A/N: If you don't know who Julio Comanche is, here's a summary: the Silver Alchemist, lost his leg in Ishbal, his alchemy focuses on creating things, and he looks like an insane evil penguin. No, really, he looks like a penguin.) He took one look around and said in a regal manner, "Why was I not invited to this gathering?"

"Because you didn't take part in the production of Macbeth," Mustang replied plainly.

"Well, why was I not invited to participate?"

"Because to my knowledge there are no characters in Macbeth that look like penguins," Avalon replied honestly.

Comanche didn't seem to hear her. "You allowed Ishballan scum to participate in this production, the very same Ishballan scum that cost me my leg, and yet you refused me entry?"

"Hey, take it up with the authoress," Scar called from his table in an annoyed tone, obviously annoyed at having been called scum.

"I can't believe you insulted my friend!" Mei Chang stood up from her table, Xiao Mei following behind. "You will pay for that."

"Actually," Kimbley stated as he got up from where he had been sitting, "Allow me." He ran up to Comanche, and the last phrase the Silver Alchemist heard was Kimbley stating, "It's been a while since I've been able to explode someone. How I've missed it."

The explosion that followed will not be described in detail here, but the aftermath left a thick layer of dead tissue strewn across the banquet hall.

* * *

_Work Cited:_

_Shakespeare, William. Macbeth. New York: Folger Shakespeare Library, 1992._

_Character lines said in italics are direct quotes. I have not included page numbers in order to make the story flow easier; however, all quotes come directly from the scenes that they are stated in._

**The End**


End file.
